"Is he wearing pants?"
In a Deadlands game, one character was an old coot prospector. He had a penchant for dynamite. He and another player were trapped in a jail cell by a vampire. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “You are in the back of the jail, the vampire is blocking the only way out.”
Prospector: “Is the Vampire wearing pants?”
Prospector: ” I stick my lit dynamite in his pants and dive under the cot in the jail cell.”
Texas Ranger: “You WHAT?!”
Vampire explodes, players barely survive.
"How much dynamite did you use?"
Another time, the same Prospector got the whole group involved in the craziness. They were tracking down some monsters that were terrorizing the local farms. Turns about the monsters were Velociraptors. The Prospector came up with a plan where two of the other players would get the raptors to chase them across a prepared trap. The trap, of course, involved dynamite.
Me: ” Okay the raptors are chasing them and about to cross the trap.”
Prospector: ” I set it off.”
Me: ” How much dynamite did you use?”
Prospector: ” All of it.”
Me: ” How much is that?”
Prospector: “24 sticks.”
Me:” Wow. That’s a little much. The raptors become so much thin red paste and the farm is now a giant crater. The vampire hunter, the shaman and their horses go flying. All the buildings on the farm are flattened. Don’t ask about the livestock.”
There was also a T-Rex in this adventure. The Texas Ranger ended up shooting it in the head, from INSIDE ITS MOUTH. I’m pretty sure the Prospector convinced him to do that too.
Bonus Story "Bear Spray"
Yet another time, we were playing Call of Cthulhu. The group was checking out a mansion that they suspected was home to some cultists. The guy who played the Prospector, now a US Forest Ranger was sneaking around on the mansion grounds.
Me: “You are confronted by 2 cultists. They point their shotguns at you.”
Ranger: ” I spray them with my bear spray, that stuff will incapacitate anyone.”
Me: ” You totally incapacitate the nearer one, the other one shoots you with his shotgun.”
This nearly killed the Ranger. As he lay bleeding to death on the ground, the ex-navy seal that was hiding nearby was able to finish off Mr. Shotgun before he delivered the coup-de-grace.